The White Sox season can’t be saved, and sometimes it can be hard to describe. Let’s use Hair Metal band songs to eulogize the season.
It won’t be totally possible to put the Chicago White Sox 2023 season into words. But we could put it in a song.
The White Sox have had a season to forget. But what makes everything a little better is music. What if we could describe the White Sox 2023 season by certain songs? What if those songs happened to be 1980’s era Hair Metal band songs? Well, it turns out we can do exactly that.
The five Hair Metal songs that describe the White Sox season are the following:
“The More Things Change” by Cinderella
In 1990, Cinderella snuck in one more album before the collapse of Hair Metal and the beginning of Grunge and Alternative. The first song on the album, “The More Things Change”, also became their opening song on the tour because of the great riff and powerful beginning.
The song makes sense for the White Sox because it describes the offseason and the start of the season very well. While the bidding war for the big shortstops (Xander Bogaerts, Carlos Correa, Trea Turner, Dansby Swanson), SP Justin Verlander, C Willson Contreras, and others were in full swing, the White Sox were simply spectators.
Sure, they picked up OF Andrew Benintendi and a pitcher or two, but nothing that would greatly alter the lineup or make an impact on White Sox playoff hopes. The more other teams were changing their rosters, the more the White Sox roster stayed the same.
Cinderella lead singer, Tom Keifer, said it best, “The more things change, the more they stay the same, all we need’s a miracle to take us all away from the pain.” General Manager Rick Hahn bet the season by hoping for a miracle that never arrived, which is why Hahn is now the former General Manager.
“Nightrain” by Guns N’ Roses
“Nightrain” is the tale of a night that starts out with some innocent partying, but soon tips over into an absolute nightmare of drinking, drugs, and violence. Though the Night Train is actual wine, it also symbolizes the inability of the band members to metaphorically jump off the moving train as it hurtles to certain destruction at the night’s end. They just can’t stop the train.
There isn’t a White Sox fan that doesn’t want to jump off the train that is the 2023 season. It is mind boggling that there is a month left in the season and 30 games left to play; fans can’t jump off the train. The season started with so much promise, but train wreck may not actually do justice to the season. The White Sox are 22nd in batting average, 25th in RBIs, 25th in runs scored, 30th (last) in OBP, 28th in OPS, and 26th in ERA. With the exception of CF Luis Robert, Jr., it would be hard to point to a bright spot in the season.
As lead singer Axl Rose said, “I’m on the nightrain, bottoms up, I’m on the nightrain, fill my cup, I’m on the nightrain, ready to crash and burn, I never learn.” Fans might never learn to give up, either.
“Let It Go” by Def Leopard
Nobody likes a quitter, but when a baseball team finds itself well out of the pennant race on August 1st, the trade deadline, it just may be time to quit. The White Sox are 52-80 on the season, 17 games out of first place, and 22.5 games behind the Wild Card race. In the past, sometimes the Southsiders would be able to take advantage of the weak AL Central where first place Minnesota is just barely over .500.
Not this year. For the first time in a long time, the White Sox were sellers. RHP Lance Lynn, RHP Lucas Giolito, RHP Kendall Graveman, RHP Joe Kelly, RHP Reynaldo Lopez, and 3B Jake Burger were all traded away at the trade deadline this year. In some ways, it wasn’t enough because the offensive lineup has remained the same. It is hard to believe that could continue into next season.
The White Sox front office let the players go, they let the season go, now us fans have to just let it go. Def Leopard lead singer Joe Elliott sang, “Let it rock, let it roll, let it go, you got to let it rock, let it roll, just let it go.”
“Heartbreak Boulevard” by Shotgun Messiah
The 2023 season had some really great moments like two walk-off wins in a row, beating the Yankees, beating the Cubs once (out of four games), and Robert’s All-Star performance which still has him second place in home runs for the American League with 34.
But those highs are so diminished by the lowest of lows, the opposition walk-offs, the collapse of late inning relief, the lead switches given up by middle relief, and the games that just never got started due to starting pitching issues. And the White Sox can’t catch up easily due to the aforementioned lack of run production.
It is like Messiah lead singer Tim Skold was singing it for the White Sox fans, “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me? Can’t you see that you’re makin’ me bleed? Heartbreak boulevard, take you for a ride, mess you up inside.”
“Kiss My Love Goodbye” by L.A. Guns
After a dismal season and firing General Manager Rick Hahn, White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf had the gall to say that he would move the team out of Chicago, maybe to the suburbs, or maybe to Nashville. Or he could sell the team, which actually would make quite a bit of sense, and would probably make most fans pretty happy. At some point, you can’t just blame everyone else; at some point, it has to be the ownership.
Reinsdorf has owned the team long enough that he would probably rake in a 10-digit profit from the sale. Fans would most likely say, “Good riddance, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
L.A. Guns lead singer, Phil Lewis, may say it a little differently: “Kiss my love goodbye, I’ve had it with your lyin’, kiss my love Goodbye, you weren’t even tryin’, you never thought about anyone else, you were just takin’ care of yourself, you were never mine, kiss my love goodbye.” Sadly, White Sox fans might be saying goodbye to their team in a few years.
